Pointing out just Black lives might feel uncomfortable, so a typical response from this stage is to say 'All lives matter,' or to fill in the blank with 'Black lives matter equally.'

For this mindset, pointing out differences feels divisive, so it's easy to shove them under a rug and pretend they aren't there. In the third stage, we minimize differences and focus on commonalities. And it's because we've had systems of power and oppression in place for centuries that have reinforced win/lose scenarios based on race.

So why do we have a need to defend other groups when we hear 'Black lives matter'? Because the Black Lives Matter movement is about race, which means it's about our individual identities. If I wanted to call attention to the problem of breast cancer by posting a plea to raise funds for breast cancer research or joining a walk for a cure, would the response to my social media posts about breast cancer be defensive? Would they ask why I wasn't marching for a cure for lung cancer or assume I think lung cancer doesn't matter? Likely not. In the case of 'Black lives matter,' the counter statement from this second stage may be 'Blue lives matter.'īoth my mother and mother-in-law, along with two of my sisters, had breast cancer. With a win/lose mindset, the fear of me and my group losing often produces a counter statement that proclaims who the winner is or should be. Only this second of the five stages - this judgmental, polarizing stage - is fueled by fear. From this stage, the statement is seen as suggesting that Black lives are better than other lives and the response then is to either fight against or defend that idea. If I make a positive statement about one group - one group matters - the automatic assumption from this stage is that I'm saying something negative about other groups. It's a mindset that categorizes differences very simply: us/them and good/bad. Hearing the statement as 'Black lives matter more ' or 'only Black lives matter' comes from an either/or, win/lose stage of development.

What does matter mean